Have you ever bought an exotic, expensive plant or tree for your garden and watched it fail to grow into its advertised and expected glory? Hubby and I bought a very costly tree for our backyard a few years ago, and this year, it failed to leaf out.

Apparently, there were a few things we were blind to. The location we put it in was NOT the right spot; the amount of sun it got was too much. Heartbroken, I cut it back to one-quarter of its original size and set out on a replace, move, rearrange and dig-in journey.

Last week, the new tree arrived, and I spent an hour with the young lad who delivered it. We talked a lot about success and failure, and eventually, I realized it’s not our age that gets in our way. It’s more about the lies we accept as truths and our failure to explore outside the norms.

We were chatting about him fulfilling his dream of becoming an entrepreneur. (Between you and me, his understanding of customer experience was off the charts, and his ability to see the big picture was pretty impressive.) He said, “Yeah, but I have a mortgage, a wife, and a kid now, so all my dreams gotta be shelved.”

Not so fast, I said. I hear you saying you are afraid of risking what you have today — your house, your marriage and your kid’s future. All those things you have been taught your entire life that you NEED and that will bring you security. He nodded.
What if I told you it was a big fat lie?

Naturally, he looked at me suspiciously

You are in your late thirties right now. And you’ve already been through some awful stuff, and you wondered how on earth you’d ever get through it at the time, right? He nodded vigorously. Yet here you are, still standing, stronger than ever. Yes!!!!! Because something bigger and more powerful than you kept watch over you. Call it God, call it the Universe, call it Source, call it whatever you like.

Simply acknowledge there is something bigger and better than you. That thing didn’t let you fall off the side of the cliff. That thing took care of you. You might not have thought it then, but it ensured you survived. YES!

So, why would it leave you now if it has always been there for you?

Have you done anything weird, out of the ordinary, or profoundly damaging that makes you unworthy of being looked after? NO? Then, rethink your thoughts about this so-called security. By challenging these thoughts, you can empower yourself to make decisions based on what truly makes you happy and fulfilled rather than fear.

The big lie we’ve all been taught is that security and safety are what we must hold on to. Tightly. But is that really true? Society often tells us that a stable job, a secure home, and a reliable partner are the keys to a successful and happy life. But is this really the case? No company is safe from cutbacks, downsizing, layoffs, and what have you. NO career or job is safe. No boss is perfect. This illusion of safety and security can too often lead us to make decisions based on fear rather than what truly makes us happy and fulfilled.

A house is a safe investment? Maybe. But here’s the thing. We are all pretty quiet about just how much that damn house costs on a day-to-day basis. Taxes, insurance, maintenance, new roofs, fences, furnaces, windows, air conditioning, floors, paint, gardens. And would you consider it secure with all the wildfires, crazy tornadoes, hurricanes, and storms whipping around these days?

Is your marriage or relationship safe and secure? Is your health and well-being safe and secure? Today, likely yes. Tomorrow, you have no idea.

Challenge yourself to think differently. What is the absolute worst that could happen? Lose a job, so how long does it take to find another, how much extra cash is in the bank, and how much reliance is there on the partner? Lose your house, so how much equity do you have? What could you do with that equity if you received it in cash? What would you do instead of what you are doing today? What if you were to lose your partner? What would you do to get by? What is the worst that could happen? When asked and answered honestly, these questions can lead to a profound shift in perspective.

THAT question, what is the worst that could happen is never asked enough times. We rarely ask it of ourselves. We never ask it of others. Yet, when we get to the ultimate end of the answer to that question, we always find out we can live on less, get by on less, and thrive on less. The meaning of LESS is a concept in our heads.

It has nothing to do with our success or pleasure in life.

Consider the people of Ukraine and Israel, who live in regions torn apart by war. Despite their immense losses, they find happiness every day. They still get married, have babies, find ways to help their neighbours, and maintain hope. This is true success. They face fear, deal with adversity, and choose to live anyway. Their resilience is a testament to the strength of the human spirit, inspiring us to face our own challenges with courage and determination.

The people of Ukraine and Israel have already answered the question, “What is the worst that can happen?”

Sadly, most of us believe that our security and safety levels define our lives and our success. A big job, big money, big car, big home, and big pension mean BIG success and BIG life. Driving all this is big FEAR, and fear is not a success factor.

We reclaim our power by shedding fear and embracing the idea that adversity happens for us, not to us. This means that every challenge we face is an opportunity for growth and learning. Embracing uncertainty and finding happiness in its simplest and most authentic form is a liberating experience. We know the worst that could happen, and we know our options.

The odds of succeeding or failing are always 50/50, but our plan B can tilt the odds in our favour. This means that while we can’t control all outcomes, we can always have a backup plan. Measuring our success against the highs we want and get is trivial. Measuring our success against the adversity we’ve overcome is the true measure of our strength. We are the sum of our highs and our lows, and we should never fear those lows. We learn so much more from them.

Back to that original tree

My husband and I had high hopes that the expensive tree would add a splash of luxury to our backyard. We had bought into the stuff we’d been told by our acquaintances in this city. We never asked what the worst thing that could happen was. So, in the end, our ignorance got in our way.

The new tree is entirely different and will behave very nicely in the center of the lawn. The old expensive tree, now a little bush for at least the next ten years, will be moved to a sheltered part of the backyard. The big bush that is right now in the secluded part of the backyard will be dug into the new garden we built this year. Ultimately, what we will end up with is even better than we could have imagined.

And that is the most delightful way to experience life and success.