This is the last Sunday of the LOVE month. And I want to turn to something that is too often deemed esoteric, fluff and silly. Love of Self. Love for Self. Self Love. I think it’s a fundamental pillar of our existence.

Personal Confession: It took me decades to understand the concept, and I’m not sure I completely do even today. I also have huge issues with the ‘Goopification” of the idea. In other words, how acts of self-love trump everything else on our agenda, how it almost always comes with a price tag and how it ultimately morphed into yet another fictitious marketing invention for which most of us will never buy totally guilt-free.

So, let me use an example we are all familiar with. Our careers. Our businesses. Our raising of families. Our caregiving.

Genetically known as ‘Our Work’

For most of us, our work is hard, and it takes a lot of work to actually do the work. PLUS, the work can be very, very dull. And many times, we ask ourselves, “Is it worthwhile for me to do a good job? Is it worth my time to be excellent at it?”

Is doing this worth my time?

That simple little question is very profound.

Is doing this worth my time?

If it is worth my time, I owe it to myself to give it my best and most excellent effort. And if it is NOT worth my time, I owe it to myself to let go of my need for control, let go of the desire for perfection and do it as quickly and efficiently as I can.

From a binary point of view, it’s a very simple yes, no-decision. Yes, it’s worth my time. So, I’ll do it this way. No, it is NOT worth my time. So, I’ll either scale back dramatically or stop. Most of us generally don’t look at our decision-making that way, let alone what we call our work.

So let’s consider a slightly different way of looking at that work thing.

The real issue with work

The thing about work is how much time it takes. It’s like if work were some trivial thing you did once a year for an hour or two, then whatever. We wouldn’t need to go wide or deep. We wouldn’t need to pay much attention to the finer points. We wouldn’t need to stay focussed and disciplined.

Most of us can generally go to a medical appointment, stop and shop at the last minute, and organize our social calendars without the need to consider all angles carefully, worry about backup Plans B and C or even pause and consider whether the price we are paying is appropriate or not. (Okay, that last one — not these days. Think back to the years before inflation went sideways.)

But work takes so much more than that. Work is five days a week or more for many people. Work is 32, 40, or 60 hours a week on paper. Sometimes more; sometimes a LOT more. (Hey, full-time parents and caregivers, I’m looking at you) There are only 168 hours in a week, and you must spend at least one-quarter of that sleeping and another quarter doing housekeeping stuff (like personal hygiene, getting ready for, travelling to, travelling from and getting unpacked and decompressed from, etc.)

Of what time does remain, work takes a big piece. Maybe the biggest single piece.

The heart of what we do, what you do in that remaining non-sleep-and-house-keep time during the week, MUST be worthy of that time. There are about 84 hours of ‘good’ time in any week. So anything you choose to do — that takes a big piece of you and your time — should earn and honour it. The “it” is whatever you call your work.

Furthermore, to be worthy

Of YOU, your time, your enthusiasm, and your passion, your work needs to have dignity, meaning, and impact.

If your work doesn’t have these things, it’s fair to fight for them, demand them, and seek them out. Or walk away. You are entitled to them. Because you are just as worthy, likely more so than your work. To demand a certain level of dignity, to want to find a certain level of meaning and to have a certain level of impact in ALL our work is the absolute minimum all of us are entitled to.

From adults who temporarily shelve their entire lives for the work of raising their tiny humans, to aspiring entrepreneurs doing the work of following a wild and crazy dream, to anyone working in a traditional job making more lateral moves than upward, to the adults taking care of their elderly parents, to the devoted spouse cherishing their sick and dying better half. Every one of us has ‘work.’ Every day.

Having now watched so many (including myself) flail and not find the right level of happiness for themselves, I am convinced the number one thing we must all do is to accept that we, too, are worthy of dignity, meaning and impact. Just because we might do the work does not mean we, too, aren’t worthy of love. Self-love. And yet, self-love is the hardest thing to give.

So here is a question we can all ask ourselves.

In the 84 hours I am living awake, focused, and generally available this week, am I doing work somewhere in there that is worthy of ME, MY time, MY enthusiasm and MY passion?

If you said YES, then no matter the size of the time frame you refer to, no matter how hard the work is, no matter the sacrifices you are making, you have found a way to love yourself. And that, in itself, is truly amazing.

If your answer is no, you know what to do. Make some changes. Change does not need to be huge to be impactful. Change can be shifting ten minutes a day to something different. Change can be a minor adjustment to your perspective. Change can be that difficult conversation you’ve put off for years.

Show yourself you respect and love yourself. Start taking small actions that are worthy of YOU, YOUR time, YOUR enthusiasm and YOUR passion. It’s about reclaiming your power and asserting your worth. It’s ultimately about showing yourself some love. The power of love.

In YOU. By YOU. For YOU.